We’ve all been addicted to our social networks for so long now it can be difficult to remember what life was like before “Like” buttons. How would we function if our Facebook feeds, tweets, and Instagram photos suddenly disappeared? Would we shrivel up in a corner lonely and afraid, starving for instant gratification? Or would our previous lives come roaring back with a vengeance, reminding us of the things that give us joy in the physical world? Simple joys, but important ones.
Here’s what might be trending if we returned to our fairly recent yesteryear:
1. Awareness of your surroundings: This will prove especially beneficial when crossing the street.
2. Holding hands: You know, with that hand that’s not holding a phone anymore.
3. Family values: Starting with paying attention to them.
4. Theater: Think of it as one giant, two-hour post.
5. Taking care of your pet: They’ll live longer.
6. Talking: To anyone.
7. Eye contact: With anyone.
8. Complete sentences: Each sentence will have a subject, verb, and proper punctuation.
9. Spelling: Once again, words can be written with all their letters.
10. Laughing out loud for real: It’s healthy and natural.
11. Going outside: Things happen there.
12. Calling friends on their birthdays: Because they’re actually your friends and you care about them.
13. Liking things without the aid of a button: It’s a true zero-click process.
14. Extroverts: Those are the people who are social without logging into anything.
15. Parks: Trees, grass, bike paths, and picnics will be all the rage.
16. Parties: Live chat and music, plus drinks and snacks.
17. Photo Albums: They’re a perfect place to post photos.
18. Pens and Pencils: And let’s not forget paper.
19. Sleep: The anticipation of a new “Like” to your post won’t keep you up anymore.
20. Privacy: Sacred once again.
Marc Hartzman is author of our Anti-Social Network Journal ($14) and contributing Knock Knock blog writer. Check out his other hilarious posts here and enjoy his musings on how social networking has affected life as we know it—for better or worse!