Our All Out Of grocery list pad (“The miracle of checking off depleted items as you go”) is our bestselling product of all time. We’ve sold over 600,000 of these babies in America so far—a pretty big deal! But sometimes don’t we all lack more than produce and canned goods? In the series “_____’s All Out Of,” we’ll be looking at the things some of us need that can’t be purchased at the supermarket. We’d also love to hear from you—what do you wish you could put on your shopping list?
Who’s all out of: Kate Sullivan, assistant editor
Why she’s all out of these things:
- Morrissey/G.B. Shaw: You may have noticed that, because I have no need for tofu, I changed the “Vegetarian” section to “Vegetarians.” I need these guys because when I last checked the pantry, my Soulful Dry Wit carton was almost empty!
- Time: With more time, I could become the workaholic I have always secretly wanted to be.
- Magic carpet: My “Bi-Locator” teleportation device is in the shop. How else can I fly to work from Pasadena every morning?!
- Miniature cow: My cuteness needs are considerable and ever-expanding.
- Lavender farm: Lavender is the queen of all plants, with remarkable and near-mystical powers. I believe I could happily devote my life to it, much as a monk might devote his life to hops.
What she thinks having these things will do for her:
Miniature cow: if I had a zebu, a dwarf cow from India, I could have free fresh organic milk every day, plus I could hug the cow and talk to him or her. I would get a miniature cow at the same time that I get my lavender farm. These purchases would both make me happy and very tired, I do realize. Taking care of a little cow and managing a farm would be madness. But then I can stop taking Benadryl and wine to fall asleep (I would be too exhausted to even take Nyquil)! (However the Nyquil is strictly recreational.)
W
hat she has to say about her nonfantasy grocery items:
Jen recently baked a fruit crumble that represented a paradigm shift for me: I went from being a chocolate-oriented dessert person to a fruit-oriented dessert person. It was crumbelievable. So I would need the sugar, butter, sliced almonds, flour, blueberries, and peaches to recreate this amazing concoction.
When she think she’ll be able to get everything:
Saturday or next week.